Today I told someone I just met about my grand plan for Valentine: I will go buy chocolate for myself, which I actually did every year for the last 3 years and I enjoyed it. But then suddenly.
“It’s so sad.”, he said.
“What’s sad?”, asked me.
“You go buy chocolate for yourself in this weather.”
I did not know what to say as I was totally caught off guard. I was pissed, indeed. A whole lot. Because I could not defend myself and for my own nature.
I could not shout at his face that there is absolutely nothing sad about it. In fact, I’m perfectly happy and I truly think that being on my own is almost the most wonderful thing in the world — the most would be being around family and close friends. I’m totally committed to myself and I love spending time with myself. On the other hand, when I’m around other people, I have to keep them company, I have to impress them, I have to make sure they are interested, I have to try not to hurt their feelings, which is super tiring and way beyond my capacity.
Now, again, tell me, what’s sad about buying chocolate for myself? Enlighten me. Would it be less sad if some dude I don’t like gives me some fancy gifts? Would it be any happier if someone told me he liked me when he did not mean it but said it anyway in case he might get something in return?
You know, that’s what’s sad.
It’s sad that people say things they don’t mean. It’s sad that people lie, cheat, take others for granted, have no manner, respect or value and just never seem to grow up. And part of the “value” is the value for their own time and words.
Excuse me but my time is precious and my words have their weight.
And honestly, I would rather go miles to the chocolate store in the rain — yes, in the fucking pouring rain — to treat myself something nice than being with someone who is more concerned about his loneliness, insecurity, likability than how he will enjoy his time with me.
So, you should thank me for doing my own things instead of making anyone feel like a piece of unwanted shit, which is indeed unlikely to happen since I wouldn’t ask anyone out if I don’t care about their presence. And when I say CARE, I mean I will NOT be on my phone all the time or stare into their soul with my dead bored eyeballs while waiting for the time to pass.
Yep. That’s me. Buy chocolate for myself on Valentine day. Eat alone. Love to eat alone. But so what?
Go ahead and stigmatize us introverts as much as you want but we’re happy, self-fulfilled, self-aware, thoughtful and intelligent people.
Now, to you judgmental and ignorant people, please go back to your hole and let me finish my chocolate!
P/s: Happy Valentine Day. I mean, rock your Friday!