As a female Asian, I have been approached by different types of guys either in real life or on social networking services. In my article about Tinder I only listed about 10 examples but it’s true that many of those guys were rude, racist and creepy as hell. There were also guys (not just on Tinder) who seemed to have good intentions (or I thought so) but for different reasons things got weird and cringe-worthy pretty fast.
One time this Australian guy messaged me on Instagram and told me he found me attractive and interesting. It would be good if it was just that but then he went on and on about how much he fancied Asian women and didn’t like White women at all. I pointed out to him why what he said wasn’t okay but he just didn’t get it. Honestly, I don’t know if these guys are really weird, creepy, racist people, or they just have no experience talking to women of a different race/ country at all so they end up saying all the wrong, offensive things.
If it’s the latter case, that’s a pity. Fortunately for those who are interested in this topic, as an Asian woman living in the UK, I could offer some help on how to approach Asian women without coming across as a weird, creepy dude and score a date with her. Here’s a list of do’s and dont’s you should remember:
Don’t assume we understand Chinese only because we are (South East) Asian.
Do remember where we are from exactly because well, that’s what people do when they get to know each other.
Don’t tell us about your random Asian friends because no, we probably don’t know each other nor are we related, and frankly we couldn’t care less if you know any Asian at all.
Do tell us genuinely about yourself and the people who matter to you regardless of their race, so we could get a better idea of who you are.
Don’t bombard us with questions about the Eastern world or mention your recent trip to some oriental restaurant. We are not impressed and we would feel even more alienated because you keep making a big deal out of it.
Do show us your curiosity about our country and our culture if you care and you would like to hear from us, then we would be happy to talk to you more about yours too.
Don’t date us just because we are Asian and you have some weird yellow fetish, or you think all Asians are innocent and submissive.
Do like us for the unique individual we are with race being only a part of it.
Don’t buy into any myth about Asian women such as we are all family oriented or we cater to the husband or we are easy. That’s really old now.
Do show respect and genuine interest by asking us questions about our life, our family, our job because anyone, not just Asian girls, would appreciate it.
And please don’t say any of these eye roll worthy things:
“Ni hao.” (before you even know where we are from)
“My ex was Asian.”
“I love girls with traditional values like you.”
“I bet you like it big.”
“Omg, I just ate pho the other day.”
“No. I mean, where are you really from?”
“You must like <insert any Chinese food here>”
“I never had the pleasure of being with an Asian girl before.”
“No you can’t be Asian. Your skin is so dark.”
“What kind of Asian are you?”
“Your eyes are so big for an Asian girl.”
“Your boobs are so big for an Asian girl.”
“You are so tall for an Asian girl.”
“You’re so exotic/ alluring/ sensual.”
Or well, just don’t be creepy in general, like this dude:
Finally, it’s true that everyone is different because of our background, how we were brought up, our religious beliefs and so on, but deep down, after all, we’re all human and we’re all the same with basic needs and wants. My best advice is that when it comes to dating and love, be yourself and treat us Asian girls, or anyone for that matter, as a unique human being with care and respect, and like us for who we authentically are, instead of overgeneralising or assuming things based on one part of our identity such as race or sometimes even gender. Then, with a bit of charm and confidence, I’m sure you will have no problem getting a date with the girl of your dream.
Good luck ya’ll!