What Makes You Drunk Text An Ex (And What To Do About It)

If you frequently find yourself struggling with the urge to text an ex (whatever type of ex – ex-partner, ex-boyfriend/girlfriend, ex-fling, ex-one-night-stand if this even makes sense) while tipsy, half-drunk, drunk, way too drunk or even completely shit-faced (and you text them anyway), you’re definitely not alone. There are millions of losers just like you out there who’d wake up in the morning and want to punch themselves in the face while screaming internally to infinity, WHY? JUST WHY? Don’t freak the fuck out — I’m here to help you.

Before you ask your friend Google and it shows up all the complicated biology stuff about the drunk brain and how it brings back emotional memories, which you dummy probably don’t understand anyway, I will tell you EXACTLY in the most SIMPLE way possible what makes you drunk text a wayyy overdue ex.

Here’s the real, brutally honest answers:

1. You still have feelings unresolved.

This one is quite obvious, especially when the relationship (or whatever it is between you two) has just recently ended. You probably don’t even know how you are truly feeling because either it ended so abruptly or you didn’t even have a closure. Thus, your drunk self finds the most direct, obvious way for you, which unfortunately is not always the best: go back to the ex and get an answer (and also make a fool of yourself because your drunk self is stupid as fuck.)

2. You haven’t got laid for a while. 

Yup. Admit it, you’re under a dry spell, because if you had a readily available hottie next to you, you’d be busy fucking their brain out, not sitting at a corner drunk texting an ex who dumped yo pathetic ass ages ago. Nope. You’re lonely as fuck. That’s why the moment you have some alcohol in, you immediately want some action and your primitive brain does what it must for your primitive urges: find the good old source. It’s always tempting to go back to a place of comfort and familiarity because it means no work needed, just straight to pleasure business.

3. Your love (and probably sex) life is boring.

You still meet new people, still go on dates, still get laid. The problem is most of the people you meet are boring, most of the dates leave you feeling meh, most of the sex is routine and expected, which is totally opposite to what you had back then with said ex: sexy, mysterious, alive, full of passion. Even if you didn’t have anything close to that back then, the fact that you can’t get to them now makes them 100x times more desirable (than they actually are.) Getting their attention is like an instant gratification. Plus, what can beat some steamy reunion sex?

4. You haven’t met anyone hotter, cooler, richer, etc.

Even though none of us would like to admit it, we’re all superficial to some extent, by which I mean you too, my friend, so don’t try to lie. Being with a hottie gives you a certain sense of pride and validation, not to mention the sex is often way better. Now as the hot ex is gone, you are left with a dull, boring life since all the new people you meet are less hot, less cool, less rich, less fun (or less whatever it is) than said ex. Thus, as soon as alcohol gives you the courage, you find your way right back to the best you ever had.

5. You’re just a twat.

You have no feelings left, you don’t particularly want to fuck anyone either. Drunk texting is just a fun habit and you literally drunk text every hottie you know because you have nothing better to do, in which case, sorry, I have no sympathy for you.

Now I don’t know which of the above you are but there is one here for all of you: you’re NOT meant to get back to that person. No. Don’t feed yourself that bullshit. Your relationship, fling or whatever has ended for a legit reason and you would wake up with regrets instead of happiness and butterflies for a reason too. Even if there is a chance between you two, it’s not going to happen at 2 A.M. when you’re drunk saying some ridiculous nonsense. It only proves to them that they were right about leaving you and you’re a fucking loser.

Now, as we’re done with the possible causes of your stupid behaviours, the ultimate question is: What to do about it? I’ll make it very simple:

You’re an adult, you know you should and can do better and you are definitely capable of moving on to better things ahead. So stop the texts, stop the excessive alcohol, take responsibility for your actions, and accept what’s done is done. Seriously, do whatever it takes to get your shit together but DO NOT come back to the shit hole that it took you months and years to finally climb out of, and please nail it to your forehead this memo that there are tons of better deals out there for you that would never cost you your dignity.

Are we clear?




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  • sounds like words coming from someone who actually did it :))

    • My tag line: Trust me, I have been there haha

      • so another possible advice: please download a freaking drunk-texting app to your phone so these struggles wouldn’t appear in the first place 😉

        • lol thanks for the feedback but thats already included in the article “stop the texts” 🙂

    • Alas number 5 and I have had a couple more run ins than I would like. Steam reunion sex was a lot of fun though.

  • Lol thanks for the tips. I’ll keep these in mind, oh, the day I start with dating and sex and drinking. XP

    • No don’t. Just stay good, that’s how to be a gem in this fucked up modern world lol

  • Jay

    Best article I’ve read! This is exactly what my ex must be going through since I left him and moved on. Only wish he could read it! Nonetheless, I ignored his recent text and didnt respond!

  • Evelyn

    I drunk texted my ex-husband who is remarried two months ago and told him I love him so much and thank you so much for giving me our daughter and blah blah blah I love you so much ….. I did not remember the next day but was told by my friend what I did. I like his wife and texted her that I am very sorry and I meant no disrespect and I don’t remember and please don’t beat me up. She graciously texted back and said ” don’t feel bad for loving someone. ” i’m sure I inflated his ego but sure as hell I deflated my ego. Yeah, I am an asshole. I still love him. All my fault of our relationship ended. I am a dork. 😬