I will be blunt: using the phrase “Netflix and chill”, if not literally, is lame. For those who have no idea what I’m talking about, which I doubt, “Netflix and chill” according to our hero Urban dictionary, means going over to someone’s house and fucking with Netflix in the background. Basically, the phrase is a code for casual sex. It’s the tagline of hook-up culture.

Don’t get me wrong – I have nothing against hook-up culture. It’s born and bred for those who need it and can be casual for it. Fair enough. I just don’t like the fact that some people can’t be real and don’t have the balls to be straightforward about their need and intention. And it’s not even about the phrase “Netflix and chill” itself. It’s about beating around the bush, not being clear about one’s own expectations and potentially causing disappointment to both parties.

To be honest, I used to think friends with benefits or fuck buddy situations are fun. Back then, I was very confused about my body and what I really wanted and so I looked for the wrong things at all the wrong places. Nowadays, as my thinking is shaped and I know myself better, I no longer find the idea of casual sex appealing. And it’s not because I think it is morally bad or I judge the people who enjoy it – It’s totally none of my business and it’s good for them if they have a good time. It’s just that personally for me, as a woman, the cons are always more than the pros.

Okay, let’s do a little analysis here. Say, if a dude asks me to come over and fuck, assuming that I’m completely sober, emotionally healthy and have no romantic feeling for him, what’s in it for me?

Pros: Physical contact, sex.

Cons: Physical efforts:

  • get out of bed
  • put on clothes
  • wear make-up (only to look at least human because duh, I’m not dressing up for a fuck buddy. Lady, if you dress up for a fuck buddy, I have a very bad news for you… You better delete his number right now!)
  • go all the way to his place
  • go all the way back to my place past midnight (danger alert)
  • or the next morning (walk of shame, not fun)

Not to mention a bunch of typical sex-ed warnings: STD, pregnancy, emotional hangover, stress, etc.

So the ultimate question is: is the sex worth all the hassles?

Frankly speaking, unless the dude is a fucking sex god (no pun intended) or at least every time I fuck him I feel like I’m on cloud nine high on whatever the fuck my body is producing, the answer is no.

Well, of course there are exceptions depending on the circumstances — alcohol, drugs, post break-up, high school crush, too-hot-to-pass-the-opportunity, convenience, etc. and we all have different sex drives. But generally, the point is that more often than not, casual sex for women is costly and unlikely worth it.

I’m not a fan of hook-up culture. I don’t like casual. I think very carefully before I make any decision involving my body and my time. To me, fun is all about the person, the back story, the anticipation, the build-up, the chemistry. I don’t care what kind of arrangement it is — it must be exciting one way or another. In other words, getting laid is not necessarily the goal for me considering all the costs associated with it. If I do make a move on a guy, then there must be something especially about him that I find interesting and turns me on. Otherwise, I would rather get myself a sex toy and have a good time in the comfort of my own home — no risk, no hassle.

People often ask me if I’m looking for anything. I say no, I don’t have time for anything but careers nowadays. The truth is, who am I kidding? I’m always looking but I’m just not looking for sex or a relationship for the sake of it. Perhaps I’m too passionate to settle for the mediocre and that’s why I’m forever chasing that fuck yeah moment, the definite it-must-be-you kind of look, the 2 a.m I-need-to-see-you-right-now kind of call. I might become rational and pragmatic but that essence of me has never changed. I always, always have time for the things I like. If I want something, I will get it. Even if it means taking a midnight train to another city right now, I will do it in a heartbeat.

I guess it’s safe to say I’m not interested in “Netflix and chill”. I think I’m a meteor flying at its full speed, waiting to crash.

Ellen Nguyen

Ellen Nguyen

Visit me http://ellennguyen.net

  • @TinglyMind

    • Keep going Dont stop doing what you love Dont give
    • The truth is when someone doesnt want you no reason
    • Were young Were only temporary We dont even know where
    • To my fellow women always pay more attention to your
    • Trust me on this  some might break you but
    • One day you wont have to hold ontofading memories anymore
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